3 Money Conversations That Save Marriages (From Couples Who Almost Lost Everything)

Money Doesn't Destroy Marriages. Silence About Money Does.

Year 3 of our marriage, we were broke, stressed, and blaming each other.

Josh thought Kristina was spending recklessly. Kristina thought Josh wasn't making enough. Neither of us was talking about it like adults.

Until the fight that almost ended us.

Josh said, "If we don't fix this, we won't make it."

That was our wake-up call.

Why Couples Avoid Money Talks

Money feels loaded. Emotional. Like admitting you're failing.

So you avoid it. Hide purchases. Get defensive. Pretend everything's fine until the credit card bill arrives.

Here's what we learned: The conversation you avoid becomes the wall between you.

Money talks, but fights don't have to be. They have to be honest.

The 3 Money Conversations You Need Monthly

We have three standing money conversations every month. Same questions. Same structure.

No blame. No shame. Just facts and a plan.

Conversation 1: What Came In, What Went Out (The Reality Check)

When: First Sunday of the month Time: 15 minutes Format: Facts only, zero judgment

Sit down together. Look at last month's numbers.

What came in:

• Income from all sources

• Side hustle money

• Any extra cash

What went out:

• Fixed expenses (rent, utilities, insurance)

• Variable expenses (groceries, gas, eating out)

• Debt payments

• Savings contributions

That's it. No blaming. Just reality.

You can't fix what you won't face.

Conversation 2: What We're Building Toward (The Vision Talk)

When: Second Sunday of the month Time: 20 minutes Format: Dreams + dollars

This isn't about today's bills. It's about where you're going.

Ask each other:

• What do we want our life to look like in 5 years?

• What financial freedom would give us?

• What are we willing to sacrifice to get there?

• What's one money goal we're working toward together this year?

Money without vision is just numbers. Vision without money is just a dream.

You need both.

Conversation 3: What Needs to Change (The Adjustment Meeting)

When: Third Sunday of the month, Time: 15 minutes, Format: Honest assessment

This is where you get real about what's working and what's not.

Ask:

• What spending patterns are hurting us?

• What do we need to cut or adjust?

• What money decision do we keep avoiding?

• What's one thing we can do differently this month?

No defensiveness. No excuses. Just honest problem-solving.

We're on the same team. Act like it.

Ground Rules for Money Conversations

Rule 1: Schedule Them

Don't wait until you're fighting about money. Schedule the conversations when you're calm.

Put them on the calendar like you would a client meeting.

Rule 2: No Ambushing

Don't bring up money during a fight about something else.

"By the way, you spent $200 on Amazon last week" in the middle of an argument about dishes? That's dirty fighting.

Save it for the scheduled money talk.

Rule 3: Separate Facts from Feelings

Facts: "We spent $800 on eating out last month." Feelings: "I feel stressed when we overspend."

Both matter. But keep them separate so you can address both.

Rule 4: No "I Told You So"

You're building a future together, not keeping score.

Past money mistakes? Acknowledge them. Learn from them. Move on.

Weaponizing old decisions kills trust.

What to Do When You Disagree

You won't agree on everything. That's normal.

Here's how we handle it:

For small decisions (under $100): Each person gets autonomy. No questions asked.

For medium decisions ($100-$500): Discuss first. Both must be comfortable.

For big decisions (over $500): Both must enthusiastically agree. If one person is hesitant, you wait or find a compromise.

Money fights happen when expectations aren't clear. Make the rules clear.

When Money Reveals Deeper Issues

Sometimes, money fights aren't about money.

They're about:

• Control (who gets to decide)

• Values (what matters to each of you)

• Security (fear of not having enough)

• Shame (embarrassment about past mistakes)

If you keep fighting about money even with these conversations, dig deeper.

What's the money fight really about?

The Bottom Line

Money destroys marriages when you treat it like Voldemort—too scary to name.

Three conversations monthly:

1. 1. Reality check (what came in, what went out)

2. 2. Vision talk (what we're building toward)

3. 3. Adjustment meeting (what needs to change)

No spreadsheets needed. Just honesty, consistency, and a willingness to face reality together.

Start this month. See what shifts.

Want more frameworks for navigating marriage and money?

Join Marriage Warriors at https://www.skool.com/everlasting-creators-4386 for weekly challenges and honest conversations with couples who've been there.