6 Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before Making a Big Decision

Big Decisions Destroy Marriages When You Skip the Important Questions.

New job. New house. New business. New city.

Big decisions feel exciting. Full of possibility.

Until you realize you never actually talked through it together.

One person's excited. The other's anxious. Neither one knows why.

Here's what we learned: The decision isn't the problem. How do you make it together is.

The 6 Questions to Ask Before Any Big Decision

Question 1: Does This Align With Our Shared Vision?

Before you say yes, ask: Is this moving us toward the life we want?

Not the life Instagram says we should want. The life WE agreed on.

How to answer this:

Sit down together. Revisit your shared vision.

Where do we want to be in 5 years? What kind of life are we building? What matters most to us?

Then ask: Does this decision move us toward that or away from it?

Example:

The new job pays more but requires 60-hour weeks.

Does "more money" align with your vision? Or does "present parenting" matter more?

There's no right answer. Just YOUR answer.

Question 2: What Does This Actually Cost Us?

Not just money. What does it cost in:

• Time

• Energy

• Presence

• Peace

How to answer this:

List the real costs.

Example: Starting a business

Costs:

• Time (nights and weekends for 6 months)

• Money ($5K startup investment)

• Energy (stress, learning curve)

• Presence (less availability for family)

Then ask: Are we both willing to pay this?

If one person's excited and the other's bearing all the cost, it's not a joint decision.

Question 3: Are We Both Genuinely On Board? Or Is One of Us Just Going Along?

This is the big one.

Sometimes one person says yes because they don't want to disappoint the other.

That's not an agreement. That's people-pleasing.

How to answer this:

Rate your enthusiasm on a scale of 1-10.

1 = "I hate this idea." 10 = "I'm fully on board."

If one person's a 9 and the other's a 4, you don't have agreement. You have to compromise.

Our rule: Both people need to be a 7+ or it's a no.

Question 4: What's the Worst-Case Scenario? Can We Handle It?

Hope for the best. Plan for the worst.

How to answer this:

Play out the worst case.

Example: Buying a house

Worst case:

• One person loses their job

• Housing market crashes

• Unexpected repairs drain savings

Can we survive that? Do we have a backup plan?

If the worst case destroys you, the decision's too risky.

Question 5: Have We Prayed About This? Or Just Talked About It?

If you're faith-driven, this matters.

Planning without God's direction is just guessing.

How to answer this:

Set aside time to pray together.

Not "bless this decision we've already made."

Actually ask: Is this what You want for us?

Then listen. Wait. Be willing to hear no.

Question 6: Are We Deciding From Fear or From Faith?

Fear-based decisions rarely work out.

Fear decisions:

• "Everyone else is doing this, so we should too."

• "If we don't do this now, we'll miss out."

• "What if we regret not taking this chance?"

Faith decisions:

• "This aligns with our values."

• "We've prayed and feel peace."

• "This serves our vision, not someone else's."

Fear creates urgency. Faith creates clarity.

Decide based on clarity.

How to Use These Questions

Step 1: Schedule a decision meeting.

Don't make big decisions in passing.

Set aside 30-60 minutes. No distractions.

Step 2: Work through all 6 questions together.

Write down your answers.

Don't skip questions because they feel uncomfortable.

Step 3: Sleep on it.

Don't decide the same day you discuss.

Give it 24-48 hours. See how you both feel.

Step 4: Decide together.

Both people need to enthusiastically agree.

If you can't get there, the answer is "not yet" or "no."

When You Disagree

Sometimes you'll answer these questions and still not agree.

Here's what we do:

If one person's a hard no: It's a no. Period.

You don't override your spouse's hard no.

If both are lukewarm: It's a no (for now).

Revisit in 3-6 months. See if anything changes.

If one's excited and one's neutral: The excited person makes the case.

But the neutral person has to genuinely get on board. Do not just go along.

Real Examples

Example 1: Job Offer in Another State

Question 1: Does this align? "We said we wanted to live near family. This moves us 10 hours away."

Misalignment. Answer: No.

Example 2: Starting a Business

Question 2: What does it cost? "60 hours/week for 6 months. Less family time."

Question 3: Are we both on board? "I'm a 9. You're a 5."

Not enough agreement. Answer: Not yet.

Example 3: Buying a House

Question 4: Worst case? "If one of us loses a job, we have 6 months savings. We can handle it."

Question 5: Have we prayed? "Yes. We both feel peace."

Alignment. Answer: Yes.

The Bottom Line

Big decisions don't destroy marriages. Bad decision-making processes do.

Ask these 6 questions before saying yes:

1. 1. Does this align with our shared vision?

2. 2. What does this actually cost us?

3. 3. Are we both genuinely on board?

4. 4. What's the worst case? Can we handle it?

5. 5. Have we prayed about this?

6. 6. Are we deciding from fear or faith?

Then decide together. Not one person dragging the other along.

Want decision-making frameworks and support from couples who've been there?

Join Marriage Warriors at https://www.skool.com/everlasting-creators-4386.