The 10-Minute Weekly Marriage Check-In That Changed Everything

10 minutes changed our marriage.

Not therapy. Not a marriage retreat. Not a big romantic gesture.

10 minutes. Every Sunday night. Five questions.

That's it.

Here's why it works and the exact questions we ask.

The Problem We Were Trying to Solve

Year three. We were distant. Disconnected. Going through the motions.

We'd have surface-level conversations about logistics: "Who's picking up the kids?" "Did you pay that bill?" "What's for dinner?"

But we weren't TALKING. Not really.

Issues would build up for weeks. Then explode in a massive fight. Then we'd avoid each other for days. Rinse. Repeat.

We needed a way to catch small issues before they became big fights.

The Solution: Weekly Marriage Check-In

Every Sunday night. After the kids are in bed. Before the week's chaos starts.

10 minutes minimum. No phones. Just us. Five questions.

Sounds simple. It is. That's why it works.

The 5 Questions (And Why They Matter)

Question 1: "What made you feel most loved this week?"

Why we ask it: Catches you doing something right. Reinforces positive behaviour.

Too many marriage conversations focus on problems. This starts with what's WORKING.

Real answers we've given:

• "When you did dishes without me asking"

• "When you initiated the check-in, even though you were tired"

• "When you defended me to your mom"

• "When you brought me coffee this morning"

What it does: Reminds you that you're not failing completely. You're doing SOME things right.

Question 2: "What do you need more of from me? Less of?"

Why we ask it: Surfaces needs before resentment builds.

Most couples wait until they're angry to express needs. By then it comes out as criticism.

This question lets you say it when you're calm.

Real answers we've given:

• "More physical touch. Less time on your phone."

• "More grace when I'm stressed. Less lectures."

• "More help with bedtime. Less business talk during dinner."

What it does: Gives specific, actionable feedback. Not "you never" or "you always." Just "more of this, less of that."

Question 3: "What's one thing I did this week that hurt you?"

Why we ask it: Addresses hurts when they're small.

This is the hardest question. Nobody wants to admit they hurt their spouse. Nobody wants to hear they caused pain.

But catching it NOW prevents it from festering into resentment.

Real answers we've given:

• "When you snapped at me in front of the kids"

• "When you minimized my stress about money"

• "When you forgot our date night"

• "When you chose work over me again"

What it does: Clears the air. Prevents the "I'm still mad about something from three weeks ago" fights.

The rule: Say it. Hear it. Apologize. Move forward.

Question 4: "What are we avoiding talking about?"

Why we ask it: Forces you to face the elephants in the room.

Every marriage has topics you're avoiding. Money. Sex. In-laws. Parenting. Future plans.

This question drags them into the light.

Real answers we've given:

• "We're avoiding the money conversation about your business investment"

• "We're avoiding talking about intimacy"

• "We're avoiding the conversation about your mom's boundary issues"

• "We're avoiding planning our future because we're scared"

What it does: Names the thing you're both thinking but not saying.

Sometimes we don't solve it in those 10 minutes. But naming it is the first step.

Question 5: "What did we do really well together this week?"

Why we ask it: Ends on a win. Reminds you you're a team.

After addressing hurts and hard topics, you need to remember: We're not enemies. We're partners who sometimes fail each other.

Real answers we've given:

• "We handled that client crisis together really well"

• "We tag-teamed bedtime, and it actually worked"

• "We had a hard conversation and didn't fight"

• "We laughed together for the first time in weeks"

What it does: Leaves you feeling like a team, not opponents.

The Rules That Make It Work

Rule 1: Non-Negotiable Time

Sunday nights. After the kids are down. Before we do anything else.

It's on the calendar like a client meeting. We don't skip it.

If we miss it? We rescheduled it for the same day. Not "we'll do it tomorrow." Tomorrow becomes next week. Next week becomes never.

Rule 2: No Phones

Put them in another room. Face down isn't enough.

If your phone is there, you're not fully present. And 10 minutes of full presence beats 30 minutes of distracted conversation.

Rule 3: Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

When they're answering, you're listening. Not planning your response. Not getting defensive.

Just listening.

The hardest part: When they say something that hurt them. Your instinct is to defend yourself.

Don't. Listen. Apologize. Do better.

Rule 4: Grace for the Mess

You're both going to mess up these questions.

Give defensive answers. Avoid hard topics. Snap when you're tired.

That's okay. Keep doing it anyway.

We've had check-ins where we both cried. Where we fought. Where we wanted to quit.

We kept showing up. That's what made it work.

What Changed After We Started This

Week 1:

Felt forced. Awkward. We weren't used to being that honest.

Week 4:

Starting to feel more natural. Caught a few small issues before they exploded.

Week 12:

Realized we hadn't had a major fight in weeks. Small issues were being addressed in check-ins instead of blowing up later.

Month 6:

This became our favorite part of the week. The one time we're fully present with each other.

Year 1:

Can't imagine marriage without it. This 10-minute system has saved us countless times.

The Check-Ins That Saved Us

The money conversation we were avoiding: Week 8, question 4 forced us to face it. We'd been avoiding talking about Josh's business investment. I was scared. He was defensive.

The check-in gave us a framework to finally talk about it without it becoming a screaming match.

The intimacy issue: Month 3, question 3 revealed I'd been hurt by constant rejection. Josh didn't realize. He thought I'd lost interest.

That 10-minute conversation led to a longer one that changed everything.

The drift we didn't notice: Month 5, question 1 revealed we both felt disconnected. Not because of a fight. Just because life was chaos and we'd stopped prioritizing each other.

That awareness alone changed our behavior.

How to Start This Week

Don't overthink it. Just start.

This Sunday:

1. Put it on the calendar

2. Tell your spouse: "Let's try something. 10 minutes. Five questions."

3. Print the questions (or screenshot them)

4. After kids are down, sit together, no phones

5. Take turns answering each question

That's it.

The first one will feel awkward. Do it anyway.

The 5 Questions (Copy These)

1. What made you feel most loved this week?

2. What do you need more of from me? Less of?

3. What's one thing I did this week that hurt you?

4. What are we avoiding talking about?

5. What did we do really well together this week?

What If Your Spouse Won't Do It?

Start anyway.

You: "Hey, I want to try something. Every Sunday, 10 minutes, five questions. Will you try it with me for four weeks?"

If they say no: "Okay. Can we try just one week and see?"

If they still refuse: Red flag. Someone who won't give you 10 minutes a week to work on the marriage isn't trying.

But most will say yes. Because it's just 10 minutes.

The Marriage Warrior Truth

You don't save your marriage with grand gestures.

You save it with 10 minutes every week.

Consistent. Honest. Uncomfortable sometimes. But it works.

Start this Sunday.

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